The complexity of being brave

However, despite having that desire or want to do a certain thing, they’re just not taking the steps to get there, and this made me curious.

What exactly is it that holds us back?

When we know that we want to do something to get on but we actually do the opposite and do nothing about it. Why is that?

I was thinking about the lack of action and how it can be turned around.

When I was much younger (of course, I only look 21 really ;), I thought that the only "thing" that I was any good at was Netball.

It was a sport I loved playing. I honed my netball skills, and my environment reflected this back to me.

I'd won a few Netball awards at school, and at club level, but because I wasn't comfortable and confident in other "things", I didn't really make much of an effort in other areas.

This, in turn, affected my confidence in my own abilities.

And that's such a very limiting belief process.

Over the years though, my confidence has grown and grown by trying new things and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

And then practising those new "things" on a regular basis to get better at them.

Our brains like to keep us in a lovely safe place, so trying new things makes our brain go off like some kind of emergency beacon.

It comes up with lots of excuses not to try something new, or to push ourselves, as it’s trying to protect us (from made up negative scenarios that are never likely to happen).

Are you getting in your own way? If you are, hopefully, this blog post will help you to become a little bit braver.

Let’s look at the lack of action first…. and some of the reasons behind it.

Feeling overwhelmed

There may be so many things to tackle on your wish list, or your to do list, that you feel completely overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.

Feeling lost

When you’re feeling lost and lacking direction, it's really difficult to take action because you just don’t know what to do.

Fear of negative feedback or rejection

Worrying that people won’t like you, or what you have to offer. It’s in our natures to want to be socially accepted.

Fear of making mistakes

As humans, we strive to get everything right all of the time.

We worry what people will think if something goes wrong so this stops us from taking risks, or trying new things.

Changing jobs / careers or leaving an unhappy relationship

Maybe you're not happy in your current job, or relationship, or you don't actually like the career path you've chosen.

This is a big change and can feel very challenging to face, and fix.

Time

Sometimes, we can’t find the time to spend on our plans, or we avoid what we want to work on and fill our time with other plans, rather than actually doing “the thing”.

So how do we start to tackle whatever it is that we want to achieve, but somehow seem to put off?

Practise self-compassion and awareness

Being nice to yourself and giving your panicking brain a pep talk can really help.

To summon courage, you really need to become your own biggest cheerleader.

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you make mistakes or face setbacks.

Avoid negative self-talk and replace it with positive talk instead.

Be your own supportive friend.

Tell yourself things like “you can do this” because here’s the thing…..

You can do this!!

Goal setting

What is it that you want to achieve and when do you want to achieve it by?

Setting an overall goal will help with motivation along the way and gives an outcome to focus on.

Break it down

Break bigger challenges down in to smaller goals.

Every time you achieve one of the smaller sections of a bigger goal, will give you a confidence boost.

Celebrate the completion of the smaller sections of your bigger goal (again, going back to being your own cheerleader).

Sometimes, the sheer size of a goal can be overwhelming or the fear of the unknown can lead to inaction.

Breaking it down into smaller steps makes it more achievable and less daunting.

Develop a plan of action.

Outline the steps you need to take to achieve your goals.

Having a plan can provide you with a clear path forward.

If you are feeling lost and are not sure what your actions should be, but you know that you need to change something, be patient and wait for clarity. It will come.

Face your fears

It could be that you’re afraid of people not liking the work you produce.

Or what people will think of you or your product (if your fear is business related).

Maybe you think that you don’t measure up or that you don’t deserve to achieve what you want.

The ego part of our brain is on red alert and that wants us to stay in a safe, comfortable place that we know.

That’s also the part of us that wants to be liked and get everything right.

I’ve named that side of me "lazy Susan".

Susan comes up with brilliant excuses not to do things that are outside of my comfort zone.

When she gets overwhelmed with a new situation or a scary situation, I’m kind and reassuring to her.

I recognise the excuses to get out of something and tell her it’s going to be ok.

If you make a mistake, it’s really not going to be the end of the world.

Try and use mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow, and try not to beat yourself up too much.

(This is easier said than done, I'm still working on this one but hindsight and time are always great healers).

Get comfortable with the idea that you might not be perfect or what you present to the world might not be perfect, and that it's really ok.

Facing a fear of rejection gradually can help.

Start with small, manageable risks and gradually challenge yourself with bigger ones.

Improve Knowledge and Skills

Whether it’s gaining knowledge about a subject, learning a new skill, or improving on existing skills, the more you know and can do, the more confident you will feel.

Reading books, watching movies or listening to stories about brave people who faced adversity and then achieved what they set out to, can be really inspiring.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family, pros or mentors as well.

Use your support system to help you in your quest :)

Conclusion

Stepping out of your comfort zone regularly will help to build your bravery over time.

Being braver is a gradual process, it’s okay to take small steps.

Celebrate successes along the way no matter how small they seem.

Practise makes us better at different skills so keep trying new things again and again.

Over time, develop greater courage and bravery in different areas of life.

The cliché saying "achieve anything, if you put your mind to it" is really very true.

Ok, so none of us will become an astronaut overnight but it's surprising how much can be achieved, if you can help your brain beacon to quieten down and be on side.

Every single one of us is a work in progress and that's really ok.

Our time on this planet is so very short, so why shouldn't we be a little bit braver and see where it takes us.

It might lead to greater happiness and huge personal growth, and that's really a chance worth taking.

Go on, you can do it!